Another day, another rant on the Huffington Post from a drama-seeking blogger mommy who says,
Stop calling your dog your kid. You don’t change diapers. You’re not a parent until a melon-headed baby tears out of your uterus.
No need to link to any of these awful proclamations. We’ve all seen them. People who loved their dogs so much, called them their babies… until their “real” babies came along. Now they know real love, and anyone who claims to be a parent to an animal is devaluing their relationship with their children.
That argument sounds familiar, doesn’t it?
People who are against gay marriage state the same claim: that recognizing a same-sex couple’s lifelong love somehow negatively affects “traditional” couples. This attitude is nonsensical, and downright hateful.
Now, back to dogs: if you’re irked by the fact that some people call their dogs “fur-kids” or “furbabies” or any variant… you’re going to have to accept the fact that you’re just another dog parent.
It’s a girl!
Why Dog “Owners” Are Actually Parents
Wolves and wild dogs live in packs. The leader of the pack is traditionally called the alpha. In old-school style dog training, people falsely believed that in order to be the almighty alpha-leader, you had to be abusive towards your dog. They thought that wild alphas would intimidate and attack their lower-ranking pack members to assert dominance.
Old-school trainers used to force dogs onto their backs, the “alpha roll,” believing that a dog who misbehaved simply needed leadership from an alpha.
Now, we know that alpha wolves do not assert their position by attacking other wolves. Not at all.
A wolf pack is actually a mommy, a daddy and their pups.
Alpha wolves lead their puppies because they are their parents. Contrary to popular belief, mama wolves do not bite their pups around the neck to punish them. Papa wolves do not force their pups onto their backs to gain “respect.”
A pack leader is simply a parent, someone who:
- Feeds their pups by producing milk or regurgitating… or going to the store
- Washes their pups by licking them… or with soap and water in the tub
- Cleans up poop and pee by eating it… or using a mop
- Snuggles with the pups, making them feel safe and warm
- Teaches their pups to hunt… or fetch a ball
Most dog owners do all of these things.
So, by human standards, you might not be a parent. Even though sharing genes is not a requirement to be a parent. Nor is verbal communication. Or bagged lunches. Or school plays.
By dog standards, you’re doing everything a parent does. So, you are a parent to your dog. Whether you like it or not. Whether you admit it or not.
Even if you look your dog square in the eye and say,
Tessa, darling, you’re a very special dog, but remember, I’m your owner, not your parent.
That stings.
If you’re a dog parent who rejects your dog as your child, then, it might make more sense if you’re the one to be judged.
But true dog parents who have accepted the title won’t waste the energy to do so. Because the love of a dog-baby softens you in a way that leaves no urge to judge others.
So, pretend you’re not your dog’s parent. The rest of us quietly know better.
Wow – your article on Why Dog “Owners” Are Actually Parents is brilliant, insightful and so true! I have a very old book on dog psychology and unfortunately it encourages dog owners to exert dominance to the point of cruelty – thank heavens those times have changed and now more dog owners are actually dog parents! Hopefully things will continue to improve and “alpha owners” will eventually become extinct!
Michelle – A proud mother of a much loved fur baby.
Thanks so much for your kind words! Phew, amazing what passed as “psychology” back then! I remember a book telling me that, because my dog held his ears and tail high, he was too dominant. I can’t imagine how many dogs cowered around their owners, anticipating their next lesson in submission. It feels sooo much better to be a dog parent. I don’t think it’s just us with our cute, pampered little dogs – even law enforcement officers are being kinder to their animals, and being more of a parents to their k9 partners.
I LOVE THIS! This is such a great point! I also love the study that showed that our brain release oxytocin when we look our dogs in the eyes — the same as when we look at our children. I LOVE referencing this study in regular conversation to prove hat I’m NOT a “Crazy Dog Lady” (although no shame in that) — it’s science! 😉
That’s a great study, sometimes science proves what we really knew all along.
Lindsay Pevny recently posted…The Anatomy Of The Perfect Blog Post
I am a proud dog parent and grandparent! I don’t understand why the title matters to anyone.
I usually care about what people think, but this is one of the exceptions. I am my dog’s mom. I know it, Cookie know is. Period.
Jana Rade recently posted…Wordless Wednesday: Cookie’s Playground
I don’t get why it’s such a big deal – I figure ‘to each their own’. Mommy bloggers need to start focusing on their own kids more rather than worrying about the name pet bloggers give to the relationship with their pets.
Pawesome Cats recently posted…How to Use Social Media Effectively to Help Pets in Need
My husband and I are both proud pet parents! Except maybe when Henry jumps on a visitor. He’s cute, and little so gets away with it. I have been working on that.
Live your comparisons to wolf parents and us. Especially the hunting/fetch.
WELL SAID, MY FRIEND!! You said it all perfectly, & I love your analogy. I don’t know why some people feel they are being “devalued” somehow by others using the P word when referring to their pet. It makes no sense, what the Frig do they care what I call my dog?? I don’t waste my time on people like that.
Love & Biscuits,
Dogs Luv Us and We Luv Them
I don’t see why other people care what other people refer to their relationships as! It doesn’t affect their relationships.
Tenacious Little Terrier recently posted…My Dog Training Inspiration or Ode to Fenzi Dog Sports Academy
I’ve never understood why people get so caught up in semantics. Words don’t make a relationship sacred or special, love does. Whenever I see someone getting upset about gay marriage or pet parents, I roll my eyes. I tend to think that that person must not really be comfortable with the relationship they are in and somehow feel threatened that other people. As my mom says, “Some people just don’t have enough to think about!”
Beth recently posted…Fetching!
I am Layla’s Mom the same as my Mom says she is Layla’s Grandmother, there is no question about that as my choice in life was to have pets instead of children
My mom is my dog’s grandma too!
Lindsay Pevny recently posted…Pet Related Puns and Wordplay
I love this – I’m the proud pet parent of three dogs. Everything I do for these guys defines me as a pet parent. There isn’t a day that goes by that I feel like this definition doesn’t apply to me! Greats points! What do people care how I categorize my relationship with my dogs!
I have learned to just ignore people who don’t like that I consider my cats to be my kids. I’m not crazy, I understand that they are not human. At no point am I under any delusion that having human children would be a wholly different experience. There are differences. However, since I don’t have human children, I don’t see the harm in calling my cats, my kids. If other people don’t want to acknowledge them as such, they are under no obligation. Sometimes people just need to find better things to be worried about.
Robin recently posted…Cats in Winter Word Search
Right?? People think pet parents do not realize animals are not humans, or that we don’t realize there are differences.
Lindsay Pevny recently posted…The Anatomy Of The Perfect Blog Post
Some excellent points – I don’t understand why people judge or care. Some of their logic negates adopted children too? If being a pet parent makes someone happy like most of our group- why not.
Talent Hounds recently posted…20 Dog Photos To Put You In The Christmas Spirit-Instagram Spotlight
You are so right, we are a pet parent indeed! Thank you for sharing your human perspective on dog-loving!
Rebecca at MattieDog recently posted…How To Make Sweet Potato Ice Cream For Your Dog
Great post. I think if more pet parents felt this way all pets would be in a better place and not “surrendered” to shelters. Mom all the way here.
Tonya Wilhelm recently posted…Strawberry Chia Ice Cream for Pets, Dogs, Cats and Us
I don’t go with pet parents for our lot, to be honest, simply because here in NZ the concept has not really taken off.
I DO think using the designation ‘Pet Parent’ should go a long way towards making animals an integral part of any family – and keep them safer. People think twice about maltreating a family member – so the simple shift in name. This is a huge step forward for pet ownership.
Dash Kitten Crew recently posted…Windy Sunday Selfie!
I think it’s something you feel more than something you have to announce, but it definitely changes the game – I hope more people can think of themselves as a parent when making important choices about food, exercise and lifestyle for their pets.
Lindsay Pevny recently posted…Pet Related Puns and Wordplay
I’ve had some people to look at me funny and to make statements when I say Truffle and Brulee are my girls. We have a better relationship that many human families.
Sweet Purrfections recently posted…Sunday Selfie
Aw, they have no right, you have such beautiful girls!
Lindsay Pevny recently posted…Pet Related Puns and Wordplay
Well said, i am proud to call myself a pet parent and not an owner
Malaika Fernandes recently posted…WildWash Celebrates Prince’s Birthday With A Give Away!!
I never use the term “pet parent” to describe myself but am aware that I do most of the jobs of a parent.
Great post
Love, love, looove this! This is so true. I can’t stand when someone talks as those you mentioned early on in the post. We are definitely dog parents! Dogs are a part of the fam and I’m proud to be a pet parent 🙂