Never a dull moment in a multi-dog household – especially when you sit in the sidelines for an action-packed game of Bitey Face. If you’re new to having 2+ dogs, you might find rough play surprising, and may wonder how you could possibly know when to interfere.
The first time I saw Matilda with her fangs bared, her eyes bulging, and her hackles spiked up, I scrambled to remember whether I’d fed her after midnight.
It turns out, I was just being a typical human – totally ignorant about the unspoken rules and proceedings of doggy games. There’s some wonderful things going on when our dogs play. When we look closely, we can learn a lot about how dogs communicate with each other.
How Dogs “Talk” During Play
On the surface, dog play looks like two dogs pretending to kill each other.
But when we look more closely, we can discover a secret language. Dog play is actually an interpretive dance, with cooperation and back-and-forth dialogue.
To initiate play, your dog might actually laugh. When dogs laugh, it comes out as a huffy “heh, heh, heh!” sound. You can even try to “laugh” at your dog when you want to play. In my experience, it really does get your dog in a playing mood, even coming from a human.
Dogs also use play bows to punctuate play. Right before or immediately after a bold lunge, the dog might bow for context – as though to say, “just kidding!”
Here’s an interesting video of Matilda and Cow playing outside.
Matilda often ends up on her back. Cow doesn’t force her down, she actually flips over on her own. I think she does it to protect her back and use all four of her legs to kick Cow in the face.
In this video, however, Matilda’s tail is tucked, and she might actually be using her patented flip-n-kick move as a last resort.
Cow responds by politely laying down and backing off.
Matilda then finds an interesting smell – or, might actually be showing a calming behavior. She’s sniffing to end contact with Cow, as though to say, “I’m doing something else now. Let’s cool it.”
Cow goes back in for round 2, but this time Matilda has truly had enough, her hackles raised, so Cow finally leaves her be.
After two years (most of their lives!) playing together, Cow has learned how to behave around Matilda. As a puppy, she was way too rough, so baby Matilda would get super defensive. She would make a lot of noise and lunge at Cow’s face. I usually did not allow them to play together. Cow was not my dog at the time.
Of course, Cow gradually decided that she was my dog. The girls became sister-dog-ladies who understand each other on a deeper level than I’ll ever know.
Their playtime is actually nearly silent now. Matilda no longer needs to roar and attack to say, “Stop that!” The bites between them are so gentle, I’ve even stuck my hand between them and felt no force at all… just pure sisterly love.
Playing Is Different Than Fighting
When dogs fight, it’s typically very loud, intense and brief.
Unfortunately, my dogs have fought over food. It’s typically a loud, scary roar, a blur of teeth and fur, and then it’s over. It only takes a few seconds for the “loser” to realize they made a mistake – and slink away in defeat.
Dog play almost never escalates into fighting.
Over a ten-year period, animal behaviorists Barbara Smuts and Camille Ward watched hundreds of hours of doggy playmates, and not a single situation escalated.
They also noted that there’s no evidence that play is practice for fighting. It’s more likely that dogs play to form bonds and for mental and physical stimulation. It sure does look like fun!
When To Intervene
You should intervene if one of your dogs is in obvious distress. A tucked tail, flattened ears, or any especially unusual noises – a whine, a yelp, or an angry “back off!” roar tells you that it’s time to intervene.
Matilda and Cow love to play in the narrow hallway. I’ll hear a sickening thud as Matilda’s tiny noggin smacks against the wall.
This doesn’t stop her, but I do call Cow away anyway. I don’t yell at Cow, or say anything in particular – she calmly stops if I say her name or touch her back. You don’t need to punish a rough dog for being rough.
As your dog learns that rough play ends the game, they’ll be gentler to keep the game going. Yelling, punishing or panicking just adds tension where it is not needed.
If Matilda’s getting too worked up, she might walk off. Usually, though, she’ll bound up to Cow and snap her jaws in her face, as though to say, “Why did you stop?”
That’s a sure sign that the rough play is appropriate for both playmates – if the “losing” dog comes back for more.
Behaviors To Encourage For Safe Play With Less Intervening
This was a very sweet, snuggly version of Bitey Face. I’d like to see more of this!
Do your best to avoid butting into your dogs’ play, unless you have a good reason to do it. Instead, teach your dogs two skills: to play politely, and to run to you if they’re feeling overwhelmed.
When I do intervene, I call Matilda over to me. I’m working on getting her into a habit of coming to me instead of trying to run away from Cow.
I also praise Cow whenever she’s playing extra sweetly with Matilda. It’s very nice of her to lie down to level the playing field.
Encourage the play habits that you like, and you’re bound to see them more often!
I think they’re getting along just fine. It’s just the same for us humans when we play with our friends or siblings. Things can get carried away but all will be good.
Yes, exactly! I think it’s worse with kids, I remember when I was little, playing with my brothers would end in tears and bruises all the time, lol.
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As an only “child” our Chihuahua Mr Sparkles plays the bitey face game with me and my husband all the time, it is hilarious because he looks like he is going to bite our faces off (teeth bared, eyes bulging and a huge lunge towards our faces) – the he very quickly grasps our nose between his teeth in a very gentle play bite. He loves that game and so do we!
PS: I would love to post you a photo of our boy (he really looks like a male version of Matilda!!) but not sure how….
Mr Sparkles sounds so adorable, I bet he would love to play with Matilda! I’d love to see him, you can send me an email attachment at Lindsay@LittleDogTips.com or post to our Facebook.
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My little terrier is a particularly rough player. I occasionally calm him down with a brief timeout pause so he doesn’t escalate – he’s also about 12. His favourite playmate is 10times his size. I’m not as concerned about that as I am when he tries to ‘play’ with the cat.
It’s important for people to be able to differentiate between playing and fighting. My dog Jack has a close female doggie friend named Maisie. When they get together people think they’re killing each other. Not really that’s an exaggeration, but they think that mainly because Jack does this growling thing when he plays. I don’t know why he does (he’s a rescue), but it’s the sound he makes. Then they roll on the floor, her arm is in his mouth, his head is in hers. Sounds dreadful I know, but they are always supervised and I know what’s play and what isn’t. They’re just having a great old play session, but after 10 minutes they stop, ignore each other and take a break.
Hahaha that sounds adorable!
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The Goldens love to play bitey face, they do very well and know when it’s time to cool it down. Great post, it’s so important to watch them closely and know they signs when it has gone too far.
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It can sometimes be hard to differentiate playing and fighting with the cats too. The majority of time though, it’s just a bit of sibling rivalry and minor fist fights and biting.
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Very good post! Icy & Phoebe are a lot like Cow and Matlida, with Icy being much bigger and playing more rough. They do a lot of weird growling when they play but it’s not vicious at all.
Love & biscuits,
Dogs Luv Us and We Luv Them
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Great post! Our dog is afraid of some dogs (not all) and I think sometimes misinterprets play and aggression from other dogs. We are trying to socialize her more with other dogs so she can begin to build her confidence.
Another thing to do is to watch out for “calming signals” that a dog gives out like yawning avoiding eye contact with the other dog. They are all signs that he is afraid and doesnt want to play. If dog is communicating well when they are playing it never leads to the fight. It was a splendid idea to attach a video of dogs at play for people to see.
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Very similar with Truffle and Brulee. I will interfere when one of them hisses or growls. Luckily, most of the time they are playing.,
Thanks for this great post, I always thought dogs were fighting but were actually playing and my friend explained that to me in the dog park
The languages our pets speak are truly fascinating! I love watching my cats talk to each other. There are distinctions between playing and fighting. Great tip about staying calm when things get out of hand. Our pets take cues from us whether we realize it or not.
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I didn’t realize sniffing is a calming behavior. Interesting! I love watching my dogs play. Delia was an only dog for 4 1/2 years before I adopted Chewy. After a year and a half together, they finally play so well together.
Working in a dog daycare really helped me to learn the difference between playing and fighting. When you have seen both up close, there is a huge difference. Playing can involve wrestling, growl-y loud noises, chasing, hackles, and move, but when the dogs fight the entire atmosphere changes. The growls are much more fierce and you can tell the strength of their bites are much stronger and they hold on longer. Gracie and Echo have never faught, but they certainly have made some ugly faces at each other while playing.
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I love this topic – two of our dogs LOVE to play on our bed in the mornings! I must say it is typically a lot of silly yowls and they both hide under the blankets and play bite. It’s funny but sometimes it’s over the top so I do move them downstairs onto another activity!
I used to have 2 medium to large rescue dogs who loved to play bitey face. They were so fun to watch.
I don’t think Mr. N has ever been too rough but sometimes he needs reminders that not everyone wants to play with him!
Perfectly timed article. Thanks so much for this
Ah, yeah, it can take some getting used to. Sometimes they look and sound like they’re trying to kill each other; all those teeth and growling. It is so important to recognize what is play and what is not.
Haha, you should hear my corgis play bitey face! They are LOOOOOUUUUD! I love that they play, though, so I don’t scold them for being themselves. They have gotten into arguments (scary, and I HATE them) over food, so I’m hyper vigilant about watching their cues whenever it’s around.
Great post! Since getting River, my humans often wonder if we are playing or fighting!!! Sometimes it is hard to tell!!!
When i first raise dogs (i have 5 dogs btw, haha), i was inexperienced. I couldn’t even tell when are they playing with each other and when they are actually fighting. It scared me that they might get hurt and i used to try to intervene between them. Now everything has changed but your post just brings me back. Thank you for sharing!
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Haha, yeah, fighting and playing are sometimes confused for people. 😀 I would tend to think they are fighting instead of playing. I dislike the way they play with each other lol.